The LA Lakers are the most glamorous franchise in the world. Not because of the titles, or the endless highlight reel of Magic, Kobe, Kareem, and Shaq. It’s the courtside celebrities.

So, after several hundred unreturned phones calls to top agents at CAA and WME, here are the Rams’ top contenders to fill the Jack Nicholson role.

Mark Burnett
When you think LA glitz and glam, the first thing you think of is British-born reality TV contest producers.

Jared Goff

GLENDALE, AZ - OCTOBER 02:  Quarterback Jared Goff #16 of the Los Angeles Rams stands on the sidelines during the NFL game against the Arizona Cardinals at the University of Phoenix Stadium on October 2, 2016 in Glendale, Arizona.  The Rams defeated the Cardinals 17-13. (Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images)

He’s already going to be at the games! And we know he loves football.

Air Bud’s Great Great Grandpuppy
Sports AND stardom? Yes please.

The Mayor of LA? That’s probably a thing?
There’s probably a mayor right? I’ll google it.
UPDATE: Hey, there is! Eric Garcetti.

Carl Fullerton
He’s done Denzel Washington’s make-up on a bunch of movies, including Training Day, American Gangster, and Man on Fire. I’m sure they know each other! Maybe he’ll bring Denzel to a game or two this year. How sweet would that be?

Jack Nicklaus

THE WOODLANDS, TX - MAY 07:  Jack Nicklaus waits in a golf cart during the 3M Greats of Golf during the second round of the Insperity Invitational  at The Woodlands Country Club on May 7, 2016 in The Woodlands, Texas.  (Photo by Scott Halleran/Getty Images)

Hell’s yeah I mean the retired golfer. If you say his name real fast, and maybe use a blurry camera from far away, people will be like “Whoa, they got Jack Nicholson?” Pretty impressive stuff.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.