After publicly deriding Colin Kaepernick’s non-violent protests against police brutality as “dumb,” Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg surprised the football world with some rather pointed, incisive commentary on what the 28-year old quarterback can do to become a more effective NFL starter.

“When he’s moving to his left out of the pistol, he’s certainly got the arm strength to throw across his body, like Aaron Rodgers today or even a young Jeff George, if I’m not dating myself here too bad,” Ginsburg began. “It’s his footwork, though, as the pocket collapses around him, that’s keeping from reaching that next level. Light feet, Colin. Keep ’em dancing out there.”

Ginsburg was then asked several more questions by interviewer Katie Couric about her thoughts on potential Supreme Court nominees. Undeterred, Ginsburg quickly brought the conversation back to her thoughts on Kaepernick’s on-field failings.

She knows her football.

She knows her football.


“Hey Kaepernick, I’ve got two words for you: sustained drives,” the SCOTUS veteran declared. “You’ve got a cannon arm and some killer athletic abilities, but all of that doesn’t mean shit if you can’t improvise into a three-quarter arm delivery to hit the hot route coming over the middle under duress.”

“He doesn’t recognize the mike [middle linebacker], his two-minute drill inspires zero confidence, and I really don’t think he knows the difference between a Tampa-2 and Cover-2, I really don’t, Katie,” she added. “Here, let me know show you.”

You want to pick apart the 3-4 defense? Call RBG.

You want to pick apart the 3-4 defense? Call RBG.

Ginsburg then shocked all in attendance with a detailed, Gruden-style breakdown of several defensive complexities she had noticed during several pre-season games but had forgotten to send to longtime friend and 49ers coach Chip Kelly.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.