Sharks star and aspiring wigmaster Joe Thornton reportedly gathered the discarded clippings from his now-removed bushy playoff beard, and fashioned what is quite possibly the most sought-after merkin the pubic wig industry has ever seen.

The “Thornkin,” as most merkin-focused publications are calling it, is expected to fetch upwards of $145,000 by one of several interested merkin collectors. Thornton will donate 10% of the proceeds to his charitable foundation, which generously turns shorn hockey beards into blankets, pillow stuffings, and even hair dolls for needy children.


“It’s nice to see someone doing things the right way,” said Sharks general manager Doug Wilson. “Joe’s always cared about the community, and this latest gesture really shows that.”

“I like to think about my feathery, luxurious chin locks being used by a woman — or a man! I don’t know — who might not have been blessed in the downstairs hair department,” mused Thornton. “And, I dunno. It’s a good feeling. A good, good feeling.”

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.