Suddenly facing the prospect of starting the first four games of the 2016 NFL season in place of suspended quarterback Tom Brady, New England Patriots backup Jimmy Garoppolo is doing everything he can to ensure the temporary transition is as seamless as possible.
“Tom’s one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time,” Garoppolo told the press while wearing a ‘Make America Great Again’ hat and a pair of Ugg boots. “I’ve been fortunate enough to learn under him for two seasons, and now, it’s my turn to be Tom Brady.”
Garoppolo has thoroughly studied and practiced Brady’s throwing mechanics, touchdown fist-pumps, and marriage proposal monologues.
“Giselle, you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” Garoppolo recently told model Gigi Hadid. “Will you make me the happiest University of Michigan graduate in the world and be my wife?”
Hadid accepted the offer, as did twelve other supermodels including Miranda Kerr, Carla Delevingne, and 62-year-old Christie Brinkley.
“It’s the offseason,” Garoppolo explained. “Gotta get my reps in.”