Saying it was nothing personal but that the time had come, Jimmy Butler took over Derrick Rose’s parking space.

“Man, I’m just tired of being all the way down the line,” said Butler. “D-Rose is my brother but sometimes you need to face up to the reality of a situation. This is my team and this is my parking spot.”

“It’s so close. Primo!” exclaimed Butler.

The parking situation at the United Center has always been somewhat contentious. Phil Jackson and Michael Jordan were reported to have locked horns many times over who got which space. Now, two of the best spots have been permanently reserved for them, making things even tighter.

“See, now when I get in, everyone can see I’m right here up front by the entrance where I should be. This just feels more natural,” said a satisfied Butler.

Butler’s car was towed later that day after he failed to recognize that Rose’s parking space was, in fact, a handicapped space.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.