Oh, boy… I’ve really gone and done it this time. Shoot! I tested positive for urine.

Jeez, Jared!

What are all my fans going to think? Well, I mean, my future fans that I one day hope to have. But now what if I don’t get any of those fans? How will they be able to trust me after I’ve tested positive for urine?!

Let’s see, how could this have happened? I know I haven’t taken anything on the banned substances list. The random drug tester came in one day after practice, and everything was cool. I tinkled into the cup, and a couple days later… BOOM! I’ve somehow got urine in my pee.

Maybe some of the supplements I’ve been taking have been tainted with urine? But those are being passed out by the team’s doctors, and other guys have been taking them. I haven’t heard about any of those dudes testing positive for urine! Also, the label certainly doesn’t say anything about it containing urine. Where could it have come from?

Man… I feel really low right now. I better get this over with. I’ve got to go tell Coach, and gosh, is he gonna be pissed.

Ha! Pissed. I made a funny.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.