The Steph Curry-less Warriors eliminated the Houston Rockets in the first round of the NBA playoffs, and James Harden’s beard wasted no time in making its annual migration to the beautiful beaches of Mexico for the offseason.
“G’bye beard,” said a saddened, smooth-faced Harden. “See you in October for pre-season.”
James Harden’s beard had been planning to catch a ride with Spencer Hawes’ man bun, but the Charlotte Hornets staved off same-day elimination with a gutsy performance against the Miami Heat, thanks in large part to Jeremy Lin’s mane and Courtney Lee’s fresh fade.
Accustomed to the glitz and glamor of an NBA facial hair pattern, James Harden’s beard plans to “take it easy” in the coming months, avoiding the paparazzi and celebrity romances (like its infamous, ill-fated tryst with Khloe Kardashian’s extensions) that have plagued it in the past.
Members of the Rockets gathered to watch the James Harden’s beard majestically soar into the blue beyond, wishing it well have after hard-grown season.