Chelsea’s form is horrendous this season, and there are several people to blame besides iconic Blues manager Jose Mourinho, claims Jose Mourinho.

“I’m not going to make much of it, because the other teams deserved to win. It’s everybody’s fault besides mine,” said the Portuguese manager who is currently suffering the worst losing streak of his career.

“The players are horrible. The referees, horrendous. The ball boys, don’t even get me started,” he added.

Chelsea only lost three games last season when they rose to easily take the Premier League crown. This year, they are just one point from the relegation zone.

“I am the special one. I do not lose. These losses are Chelsea. They are not me. You cannot link my management to the losses of this team. It is impossible.” With that, he walked off.

Here is a list of actual Mourinho statements this season:

  • “Chelsea are terrible. I am not magician.”
  • “The ball boys… it’s a disgrace for the Premier League.”
  • “There is a campaign against Chelsea.”
  • “I was unhappy with my medical staff. They were impulsive and naive.”
  • “Clearly referees are afraid to give decisions to Chelsea.”
  • “It looks like good players are bad players.”
  • “My work was betrayed.”

Clearly, someone else is to blame. Perhaps it’s that sinister Chelsea ne’er-do-well Shmose Shmourinho. As of yet this mystery is unsolved.

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*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.