Every time two presidential candidates debate, media outlets quickly decide who “won,” presumably based on public perception and effects on national polls. But when I watch ESPN’s “Around the Horn” every afternoon when I’m supposed to be working, I know for a fact who won the debate, because Tony Reali awards the most points to that person.



At the end of a football game, if, say, the Cowboys have 27 points and the Vikings only have 20, it’s pretty clear who “won” the game. But if Hillary talks about job creation, while Donald Trump steers the conversation to insults about Rosie O’Donnell, there’s really no objective metric to determine who came out on top.

Now that's more like it.

Now that’s more like it.

Sure, I could make that “bood-a-loop” noise every time I think one of the candidates has said something interesting or made a decent point. But that usually leads to Leon shushing me, because he wants to “hear what they’re saying” so he can “decide for himself.” Lame.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.