Michigan’s blowout victory over Hawaii on Saturday left coach Jim Harbaugh struggling to find a reason to go apoplectic on the sidelines. Harbaugh is known for his colorful sideline explosions and the coach seemed a bit hollow without any major mishaps to get him going.

“We threw one interception, but things were already going so well it was hard to get a fire started,” said Harbaugh, visibly downtrodden. “Heck, even our backup quarterbacks played perfectly. What am I supposed to do with that?”

Harbaugh’s Wolverines were nearly flawless in their 63-3 destruction of the Rainbow Warriors rendering their fiery leader a mere spectator.


“It was bizarre to see coach just kind of standing there watching the game,” said quarterback Wilton Speight. “I actually sorta felt bad for him. He looked out of place not running up and down the sidelines yelling and throwing things.”

After the game, Harbaugh had had enough, deciding he would simply go off on the next person he came across.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.