Jon Gruden wasted no time after being announced as the new head coach of the Oakland Raiders, immediately making his assistant coaches report to the team’s facilities for mandatory two-a-day practices.

The coaching staff had all their normal personnel and administrative meetings, except that they were held on the Raiders’ practice field, and all the coaches had to be in full pads.


“You can’t effectively coach a team if you’re not constantly in danger of being blindsided by one of your colleagues,” yelled Gruden, right before clotheslining the team’s personal trainer.

Team owner Mark Davis has said that he is aware of Gruden’s unorthodox approach, but is willing to let it go, because “Jon’s so cool and tough.”

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.