Bills coach Rex Ryan has boasted this week about having a “source” within the Patriots’ locker room that gives him an edge over his divisional rivals. Patriots star Rob Gronkowski claimed to be Ryan’s “deep throat,” but team observers believe it’s only because he just loves saying “deep throat.”

“Hahaha, yeah I’m his deep throat, what?! You guys!” the manchild laughed. “That sounds like a blow job thing, hahah. Blow jobs are crazy and funny because they involve penises and stuff. Hahaha!”

Gronkowski has been accused of making other outlandish football claims purely because he enjoys the sexual innuendo. “Oh yeah, I have like ten muffed punts a game,” he said, winking. “And I love double teaming a tight end after he finds a gaping hole. LOL!”


Asked if Gronkowski’s antics have been a distraction to the team, Patriots coach Bill Belichick noted, “Anything that distracts Gronk is a good thing, so we can actually conduct team meetings.”

“Yeah, he’s pretty anal about team meetings,” Gronk chuckled.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.