With prices for players reaching record highs, a thriving free agent black market has sprung up in the NFL and commissioner Roger Goodell has vowed a crack down.

“It’s bad for the league. It’s bad for the players,” said Goodell, a stern expression on his face. “There is a certain faction of illegal actors working to undermine the legal free agent market we have set up. I will act swiftly and decisively, as I do normally, to remedy this issue in my regular, effective manner.”

The Kicker got in touch with a few “GM’s” of the black market to see what kind of deals were available. As was reported, there were indeed bargains to be had. For example, we met one broker at a Starbucks Coffee where he presented us with restricted free agent tenders at $1.75M for a former 1st rounder. That’s less than half the market value.

“You think anyone is putting together their special teams unit through legal channels anymore? Psshh, come on, yeah right,” said the broker, wishing to remain anonymous. “I’ve even heard rumors that [Colin] Kaepernick might hit the black market this year. That’s how big this thing has become.”

The broker then excused himself saying he had to get moving because he didn’t want to be late for his meeting with the Cleveland Browns.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.