Cleveland: last month, at long last, your misery ended as I—God—gave you the major pro sports championship you had for so long dreamed of.

Now I have something else to give you: the Republican National Convention. So shut up and take it.

To be sure, this convention is going to be bad. It’s already being described as a circus and a nightmare, and that’s coming from Republicans. There will be strife, acrimony, protests, counter-protests. The city will largely be shut down.

But I don’t want to hear any complaints. Remember: LeBron etc?

Cleveland should have known when they received this treat that they'd be asked to accept something less appetizing later. (Getty)

Cleveland should have known when they received this treat that they’d be asked to accept something less appetizing later. (Getty)


You Clevelanders suffered for more than 50 years, and then last month you received redemption. The nation rejoiced for you. Your city went from laughingstock to champion.

I did that.

And now I’m doing something else.

It’s true that the Trump-RNC has the potential to be the kind of historical catastrophe that will always be associated with Cleveland, forever besmirching your good name. But, long story short, I have nowhere else to put it.

So be quiet and take your medicine.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.