Team officials are concerned, as reports out of Arkansas indicate that Dallas Cowboys running back Ezekiel Elliott is very much still running, having blown through the stadium doors to start juking between Buicks and Fords out on Route 30.

Police are currently attempting to apprehend Elliott for his own safety, but their vehicles cannot seem to match his breathtaking dekes and feints.

“It’s dangerous for both drivers and Ezekiel, so we are encouraging him to pull over, at least before he reaches Tennessee,” said Little Rock police chief Kenton Buckner. “But mostly, we’re just sitting back in our cruisers marveling at his breakaway speed.”

After a 23-hour chase, Elliott finally ran down the ramp at the junction with Rte 440, but only so he could “gas up” with some Gatorade and beef jerky from the Mobil Mart, before hopping right back on the highway to really show off his after-burners.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.