With contract negotiations between the San Diego Chargers and their first-round pick Joey Bosa essentially hitting an impasse, Giants quarterback Eli Manning has stepped in to help mentor Bosa on the best ways to screw San Diego in the end.

“I, uh…Bosa,” said Manning, while staring straight at the sun.

After Manning told reporters he would not be disclosing his advice to Bosa, he immediately read from a list of things he would be advising to Bosa. Things like:

1. Threaten to sit out the season.
2. Threaten to go to law school.
3. Come to the Giants.
4. Begin a life-long ruse pretending to be dumb or simple-minded as to somewhat lower other person’s expectations of you for your own eventual benefit.
5. Or, get your dad involved.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.