Exhibiting a slimmed down figure at OTAs after garnering criticism for his playing weight last season, Green Bay Packers running back Eddie Lacy detailed his groundbreaking approach to fitness: leaving the state of Wisconsin for four months.

“You know, I sat down with Eddie in January and told him something had to change. I recommended all kinds of revolutionary workout regimens – P90X, CrossFit, you name it – but Eddie had an idea that was so crazy, I figured it just might work,” said Packers head coach Mike McCarthy. “Next thing I know, he’s in some far-off state, sending me pictures of ‘smoothies’ and ‘broccolis.’”

Packers staffers indicate that Lacy appears more agile, durable, and free of gravy stains than they recall last season.

“Leaving the state of Wisconsin really allowed me to reconsider my diet habits,” Lacy told reporters. “When you’re constantly surrounded by cheese curds, beer, hot dogs slathered in mustard and sauerkraut, burgers slathered in mustard and sauerkraut, deep fried Twinkies slathered in mustard and sauerkraut, deep fried Twinkies slathered in cheese curds and beer, bowls of bacon grease, and other staples of Wisconsin cuisine, well, it’s hard to maintain a healthy lifestyle.”

“Man, that sounds good,” Lacy added.

By the end of his first practice in Green Bay, Lacy appeared to have already gained back every pound.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.