Last night, the Philadelphia Eagles toppled the New York Giants in a 27-7 slop-fest. Together, the teams tallied seven turnovers and 21 penalties. But you know what was executed to perfection? The new Star Wars: The Force Awakens trailer. UGH! That first sequence with Rey (Daisy Ridley) repelling in the Star Destroyer wreckage? Pure. Cinematic. Gold

Still, something had to give and New York lost momentum. After a hot start, Eli Manning grew careless and the Eagles opportunistic defense shut down the Giants’ run game. Kylo Ren (Adam Driver) also appears to be opportunistic; he seems to be the leader of a Darth Vader cult, hell-bent on finishing what the Sith lord started. Now that is quality story telling.

Sam Bradford threw for 280 yards and a touchdown, but his three interceptions hurt. Demarco Murray, on the other hand, had a competent 22 carries for 109 yards and a touchdown. Finn (John Boyega) looks pretty incompetent with that lightsaber* though. Luckily for him, it looks like the Storm Troopers still haven’t learned how to shoot!

The Eagles wore black uniforms for the third time in team … ooooh! A deal just popped up on my computer for discount tickets to opening night! I better go get my Greedo cosplay ready!

*Upon closer inspection that is definitely Luke’s (formerly Anakin’s) lightsaber. That thing fell down the shaft in Cloud City! How did he get that back?? Ugh.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.