With NBA free agency officially beginning at midnight, Kevin Durant has boarded his windows, blocked all entrances and awaits the coming onslaught with a hatchet.
Durant, the most coveted free agent in this NBA offseason, is expected to receive an unceasing barrage of interest from league GMs. These drooling, stuttering executives are already hobbling toward Durant’s house en masse, but Durant said he will not allow them to engulf him without a fight.
“Mom get in the house! They’ll be here soon!” Durant shouted, as his mother ventured onto the porch to look at the hordes of zombie-like GMs heading toward the house. “In case something happens to me, take this shotgun.”
Currently, Durant is frantically explaining to his family that the only way to stop the GMs is to shoot them directly in the offer sheet.