The rumors are already flying. Will I chase after a championship with Golden State? Will I stay in Oklahoma City to try to do the same? Will I head for the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles or New York?

Bro. I truly do not care where I end up. I’ll make hundreds of millions of dollars in any case. I’m just tired of my knees banging up against the back of Steven Adams’ chair on cross-country flights to Atlanta.

Like, for real. We’re NBA players. I’m 6’10”. I have the wingspan of someone who’s 7’4″. You really expect me to play forty minutes a night and then cram my lanky-ass body in a standard passenger jet? It’s bull, man.


If the Hornets have the team jet with the most leg room, I’m going to Charlotte. If the Blazers have the team jet with the most leg room, I’m going to Portland. I can’t stress enough: It’s solely about jet leg room. Whatever team’s jet wins that category, that’s where I’m going.

Not Philly, though. I am definitely not going to Philly.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.