If you think you know Draymond, hoo boy, you better DRAYM-ON! Nobody knows me. Draymond is about two things: ballin’ and foulin’. And I do both hard as hell.

Does Draymond realize that if he gets one more flagrant foul it’s an automatic one-game suspension? Hell yes! Does that worry Draymond? Hell no! All that means is that WHEN Draymond commits that flagrant, that mamma-jamma will be as excessive as they come. I have one flagrant left and I’m gonna make it really count.

It’s not gonna be some wild scramble for a loose ball, or oscar-worthy acting on a follow through. There won’t be any question about it when Draymond commits his next flagrant. Hell, I might even announce it. It’s not that Draymond wants to get suspended. It’s simply that his next flagrant foul is inevitable and he’ll be damned if he’ll let some proposed penalty get in the way of him kicking someone upside their head, or ripping an opposing player’s heart straight out of their chest like in ‘Indiana Jones’? KALI MAAAA, Cavs!


Kevin Love might get a little gunshy from behind the arc after I crane-kick him into the stands like Daniel-son. Or, LeBron might try one of those tomahawk dunks on a breakaway, only to find me waiting with a tomahawk axe ready to cut his arm clean off. And if I even see Dellavedova’s little ass out there I’m gonna ball him up and punt him straight out of Oracle Arena.

Oh, it’s about to be ON! This series is gonna see some fireworks. But, all in all, I just hope everyone has fun out there.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.