Honey, I am so excited for you! Winning the Masters is something you’ve worked your entire life to achieve. Drink it in — it’s time to celebrate!

Just… one little thing. You’re not going out like that, are you?

No, no, you look great! That blazer looks incredible. It’s clean and crisp, and everywhere you go, people will stare in awe. But no, honey, it does not go with jeans.

Great jacket, babe! Just, please, not with jeans. (Getty)

Great jacket, babe! Just, please, not with jeans. (Getty)

What about those nice Dockers we got last month at the mall? You liked those, right? With the pleats?


Please don’t make that face, Daniel.

Are you… no. Are those cargo pants? When did you even get those? Honey. Honey, no. Please. Oh, they have stains on them too? You’re a millionaire now – just throw them out!

Well then donate them, then. I don’t know!

Ugh, fine. Wear the Zubaz. You’re right, this is your day. I love you.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.