Daniel Bryan, who recently ended a career beating up fellow badass dudes, has moved into a new retirement home that caters to his badass dude lifestyle and profile: the Marshawn Lynch Beast Mode Retirement Home and Community.
Bryan was impressed by his tour of the 14-acre facility, noting the full-contact game of shuffle board he witnessed between retirees Abby Wambach and Ed Reed. (Wambach reportedly won, 11-10.)
Bryan also appreciated the wide range of protein powders in the commissary and the state-of-the-art physical training equipment in every bathroom stall.
“I’m just here so I don’t lose my mind,” joked the founder of the Marshawn Lynch Beast Mode Retirement Home and Community, Marshawn Lynch. “Haha, just kidding, I just wanted to own some land so I could continue to truck people well into my golden years.”
There is also an assisted living wing, where bad dudes like Osi Umenyiora and George Parros repeatedly get offered medical assistance that they don’t need because they feel they can will their bodies back to full-strength with their badness.