Clemson coach Dabo Swinney claimed to hold a College Football Playoff Selection Day pizza party as a way to thank the fans for a terrific season. But sources close to the team are now indicating that the entire event was an elaborate scheme to provide Swinney with the material to build the world’s largest pizza box fort.

“He kept saying things all week, like ‘I can’t wait to build that fort, I mean hold the party for the fans,'” said Clemson quarterback Deshaun Watson. “Like he’d correct himself all fast, as if we didn’t notice. Dude, we noticed.”

Swinney has reportedly been standing on the fort, refusing to come down, even for meals, opting instead to feast on discarded crusts and cheese scrapings stuck on the roofs of the boxes.


“After the pizza party, Coach acted all coy, too,” said running back Wayne Gallman. “He kept being like, ‘Whoa, so, look all these empty boxes, I guess we could, like, do something with all of them.’ Come on, man, just own it that you love pizza box forts. It’s cool.”

It’s unclear at this stage whether he will coach Clemson’s first playoff game from the ramparts or brave the molten tomato sauce moat to join his team on the sidelines.

 

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