Whew! After a long string of bad luck, the Dallas Cowboys finally received some good news: Tony Romo will be ready to start by Week 1, regardless of the fact that his head has fallen off.

“Tony’s a tough kid,” said Cowboys coach Jason Garrett. “He’s played through broken ribs, sprained ankles — he can handle our offense with a headless stump for a neck. Believe me, he’ll be ready.”


Unburdened-By-Cranium Romo is projected as a safe 3rd or 4th round fantasy pick. In fact, some pundits are saying that his lack of a head may in fact be an asset, as he will not fall into the common QB trap of “overthinking” his split-second decisions. Also, he’ll be quite difficult to tackle because he now runs in an unpredictable serpentine pattern.

Upon hearing the news that Romo was once again practicing with the starting squad, 11th-string back-up quarterback Dak Prescott said, “Oh thank Christ,” and then continued reading the Robert Ludlum novel he had been so cruelly forced to put down in order to “help his team.”

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.