Following the vicious attack that left Clippers star Blake Griffin out 4-6 weeks with a broken hand, Los Angeles authorities have acted swiftly by charging equipment manager Matias Testi’s face with assault.

“It’s a great day for justice in the city of Los Angeles,” said police chief Charlie Beck. “Players from the Clippers, Lakers, and even our newly welcomed Rams can now rest easy knowing their fists will no longer be endangered by this man’s jaw.”

Griffin says he plans to use his recovery time to reflect.


Griffin just can't catch a break (Getty)

Griffin just can’t catch a break (Getty)

“I want to set a better example for the kids. The truth is, I shouldn’t have let his face get anywhere near my fist. A stomach or even a thigh provides a much softer landing.”

Matias Testi was unable to comment.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.