We’re not sure, obviously, that Clayton Kershaw is Chuck Norris. But it’s becoming increasingly difficult to describe the Dodgers’ ace without resorting to early-2000s-style meme facts.

*Clayton Kershaw takes a Lamborghini to the stadium each day. He slings it over his shoulder and walks down the freeway.

*Clayton Kershaw can have his cake and eat it too and throw a no-hitter with his fingers covered in cake frosting.

*Clayton Kershaw doesn’t give up earned runs. You can only beg for them, and pray he shows mercy.


Every child grows up dreaming about hitting a World Series-winning home run. Against Kershaw, you’re better served dreaming of meekly fouling off a few pitches before a catcher’s interference enables you to take your base.

The Dodgers are officially back in the postseason, and that means Clayton Kershaw, along with world-beater teammate Zack Greinke (who, ya know, only sports a 1.68 ERA, no big deal), will unleash the greatest 1-2 pitching punch in the Majors to win the National Karate Championships.

Or World Series. After Kershaw’s performance last night, there’s no real reason to think he couldn’t do both.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.