You’ve gotta #re2pect such a classy fella.

The Yankees’ longtime captain Derek Jeter reportedly handed out over 75 gift baskets to ex-lovers as they exited his wedding ceremony, where friends and family and former trysts and ex-girlfriends and tabloid-rumored paramours toasted his nuptials with model Hannah Davis.

“Scented lotions, handmade candles, and ah! A scrapbook of our magical two months together,” gushed Mariah Carey. “He is the best.”

The Gatorade-sponsored gift baskets each included two orchestra seats to see “Hamilton” on Broadway, a bottle of Conquest (Jeter’s latest cologne), and a three-month premium membership to several high-end dating and matchmaking web sites.

“They’re all special, special ladies, and they deserve to have someone equally special in their lives,” beamed Jeter. “I’m just sad I could only fit 75 of them in the church. The waiting list was insane, man.”

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.