Former 49ers coach Chip Kelly is gaining buzz around the league for his unprecedented rapid pace in submitting resumes, recommendation letters, and follow-up emails.

“It seems like his job-search style just might be the future of the NFL,” said Bills owner Terrence Pegula, who received a LinkedIn invite and Twitter follow from Kelly within 12 seconds of the former 49ers head coach’s firing.

“In years past, candidates have called to express interest once, maybe twice,” said Patriots owner Robert Kraft, who at no point gave even the slightest indication he was looking for a new coach. “But Chip’s tempo of constant text messages and emails has left me absolutely exhausted. I think I might just have to give him [current coach Bill Belichick’s] job just to make it stop.”


Cleveland Browns owner Jimmy Haslam, meanwhile, said Kelly’s quick-strike approach to job interviews left him mostly just confused: “I sat down with the guy, and before I could even ask him a question, he screamed the word “FAST!” and held up placards with pictures of buildings and Sesame Street characters on them. It wasn’t the worst interview I’ve had.”

 

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.