Fans everywhere congratulated Denver Broncos’ quarterback Peyton Manning last night upon reaching a significant statistical milestone, particularly Canadian Football League Commissioner Jeffrey Orridge.

“The CFL is proud to congratulate Mister Peyton Manning for passing for his 64,008th metre in last night’s match,” Orridge said to the assembled media members on horseback. “He seems like a really polite guy!”

From the Toronto Dispatch:

And what a game too, eh? Denver trailed at the three-minute warning but scored an end-zoner with a lengthy single kick to even the point totals. Ultimately, however, the Chiefs flubbed the gosh darn ball and the Angry Ponies pulled the ol’ scoop-‘n-score!

Atlantis Football League Commissioner Jack Blackbeard was more subdued, noting that he would throw a parade when Manning surpassed Brett Favre’s all-time record of 35.47 nautical miles passing.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.