Making a big splash in the free agency market, the Cleveland Cavaliers announced the signing of Chris “Birdman” Andersen, Birdman the rapper, and Birdman, the title character of the oscar-winning Michael Keaton movie.
“Initially we were just planning to bring on Chris Andersen, because you know, he’s the only actual basketball player,” said Cavs’ head coach Tyronn Lue. “But once we found out there was a chance to get all three birdmen, well, you don’t pass up an opportunity like that.”
Per league policy, terms of the individual contracts were not released, although experts speculate that Andersen’s Birdman will mostly play center, Bryan Williams’ (rapper) Birdman will split time between the two and three spots, and Michael Keaton will yell non-sequitur movie quotes from the bench.
At a joint press conference the new Cavs shared their thoughts on their new venture. “I’m excited to be in Cleveland, and playing with my boy LeBron again,” said Andersen.
“I’m down to play. But I’m definitely not moving to Cleveland,” said Birdman the rapper, before flapping his hands and cooing like a bird.
Lastly, Keaton chimed in, “I’m Batman.”