The city of Cleveland gathered Wednesday to celebrate the Cavaliers’ championship, by finally extinguishing the smoldering mountain of LeBron James jerseys that has remained ablaze for six years.
In addition to the traditional victory parade, Cavaliers fans and players alike took turns tossing buckets of water on the inferno. The blazing heap of fabric steadily grew in size over LeBron’s four-year tenure with the Miami Heat, at one point producing a smoke plume that was visible from space. By 2013, the fire had become Cleveland’s second leading tourist attraction, trailing only the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame.
“You know, it would’ve been great if they put the fire out when I re-signed with the Cavs in 2014,” said LeBron. “Honestly, it would’ve been great if they didn’t even start this fire in the first place. Like, Jesus, guys. That thing is like thirty feet high.”
“But hey, we’re champions! Cleveland for life!” LeBron added. “I love you all so much. We’re good now. Right?”