Urban Meyer, head coach of The Ohio State University Buckeyes, is replacing quarterback Cardale Jones because leading his team to the undisputed number-one ranking in the nation was simply not enough.

In fairness, Cardale Jones has only led his team to seven victories this season (out of a total of seven games), with a mere three conference wins (out of three). His team has won these games by an average margin of victory of 20.7 points (not even three touchdowns).

“We had high expectations after [Cardale Jones led us to] winning the National Championship last year,” said Meyer. “And running roughshod over every opponent in our path this season doesn’t align with our long-term vision for this program.”

Meyer admitted that he plans to bench replacement J.T. Barrett as soon as Barrett throws his first incompletion.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.