Can the Washington Redskins rise above their rocky start to make the playoffs? Some experts say yes, but only if fortuitous injuries allow the team to replace a significant number of players on its untalented, poorly-constructed roster.

“We really hoped Kirk Cousins would go down during the preseason, so we could make a run at Sam Bradford at Jimmy Garoppolo,” said Washington coach Jay Gruden. “But friggin’ Kirk just had to stay upright, and now those ships have sailed. Way to stay healthy, jerkface.”

Football teams generally enter the season ready to replace as much as half of their rosters by Week 12. That sort of wiggle room allows general managers to scour the waiver wire for talented players who need a fresh start or motivated wash-outs looking for a second chance. But if your shitty team stubbornly stays on the field, franchises are left without options.

“They’ve really put us in a bind here,” said team owner Dan Snyder. “It’s not like you can just take your defensive line to the vet’s office and put them down. The NFL doesn’t let you do that. Believe me, I asked.”

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*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.