I started playing basketball when as a little kid growing up in the Bahamas. My dad handed me a leather sphere (“the ball”) and encouraged me to heave it into this little metal circle (“the rim”) that was like pretty far away and raised ten feet off the ground.

In my head, I was like “this can’t be done, this sport is stupid.”

But then, after some practicing, it turns out? It could be done! What? I know.

So then I started trying to shoot it from further away. And the weirdest thing: it kept going in! LOL. I’m not even joking.


Pretty cool, right? (Getty)

Pretty cool, right? (Getty)

My coaches and teammates would clap and say things like “nice work, Buddy” or “good shot, Buddy!” That felt great. But from the way they were reacting, it really seemed like they weren’t witnessing the physical impossibility that I knew the act of shooting a basketball to be.

Just think for a moment of the infinite number of potential landing spots for a basketball within a given three-dimensional space, particularly one as large as a standard basketball arena. You’re telling me that I can get this ball to land in that that hoop (which, by the way, is not all that bigger than the ball itself!!!), and that you won’t react like David Flippin’ Copperfield just escaped certain death before your very eyes?

Americans must be super jaded, man. Free throws are freakin’ crazy, dude. Three-pointers, though? Those are mother jumpin’ miracles.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.