After former NFL superstar Randy Moss publicly stated this week how he’s in the best shape of his life and could score double-digit touchdowns if he were still in the league, the flailing Cleveland Browns immediately signed Moss to play “Distraction.”

The position of “Distraction” is fairly new to the Browns, although coach Hue Jackson admitted he had been toying with the idea ever since the beginning of the season when he “knew the team would be a flying circus fire.”

“Funny enough, Randy Moss could easily be one of our best players, immediately helping us win games,” said Jackson. “But winning isn’t what we need right now. What we need is someone to distract the media, the fans, and some of our players. That’s what this is about.”

Moss indicated that he was happy to be back in the league, but was having second thoughts about playing for the Browns. “It was a little disconcerting that they don’t have a weight room, all of the league-required pads, or, to my knowledge, a complete playbook. But I’m going to make the best of this opportunity.”

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.