The Cleveland Browns started today’s game with rookie Cody Kessler at quarterback, as starter Robert Griffin III and backup Josh McCown have already succumbed to injuries this season.

However, Kessler was forced to exit the game early in the second quarter with chest and rib injuries, prompting fourth-stringer Charlie Whitehurst to come in. Unfortunately, Whitehurst immediately spontaneously combusted, leading the Browns to call on their fifth-string quarterback, an actual piece of string.

The string was the backup quarterback for three years at Northwestern. It has never played in an NFL game, but reportedly it “looked fine in training camp. You know, for a piece of string.”

As far as injury concerns, the string has previously had some problems with unthreading, and is rumored to slightly frayed at one end. If it has to leave the game, the Browns will just stick McCown back in there while shrugging helplessly.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.