Take a look at the Cleveland Browns’ depth chart and you might notice something unusual: every player on the roster is listed as third string.

“This is just our reality right now,” said coach Hue Jackson, a deep look of consternation on his face. “For instance, look at the quarterback position, we have RGIII, Josh McCown, and Cody Kessler. I mean, I bet you forgot about Josh McCown, right? I know I did. And heck, I couldn’t even pick Cody out of a lineup.”

Standout receiver Josh Gordon is returning soon for the Browns, but he hasn’t played in over a season, meaning even he can’t be trusted as anything but third string.


“Look, we have a few good players, but I got tired of trying to sort it all out,” continued Jackson. “So, I just said, fuck it, everyone is third string. What difference does it make anyway? We’re still gonna get rolled.”

Looking over the Browns’ roster, Cleveland fans are increasingly grateful that the Cavaliers pulled out a championship this year.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.