OK, guys, there’s someone we’d like you to meet. His name is Trevor, and he’s very special to us. I know this may seem fast, what with Peyton leaving us just a few months ago, but we want to be very clear: Trevor is not a rebound.

We were actually very happy not having a quarterback! Peyton was great and all, but he kind of stifled our ability to be free and fun, you know? And this summer, we were very free, if you know what we mean. We met a college kid from Memphis, and he made us feel young again. Then we brought this guy Mark home – he used to live in New York, and he’s experienced — but, truthfully, he wasn’t very good with his hands.

We thought we might just be on the quarterback market forever! And we’ll be the first to admit to a few regrettable late night calls (sorry Peyton!) But sometimes you find true franchise quarterbacks in the most unexpected of places.

A little bit about Trevor: he’s 24, he went to Northwestern (a very good school!) and he promised us that he’s not going to leave us right after winning a Super Bowl and make us feel like some kind of legacy-building TRAMP, PEYTON.

Sorry, sorry. It’s not about the past. It’s a new era. And Trevor is – wait, did somebody just say Tim Tebow is playing football again?

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.