Brock Osweiler of the Denver Broncos has filled in admirably for the injured Peyton Manning, leading his team to victory over the previously unbeaten Patriots. Osweiler credits his success to robust preparation, a strong game plan by the coaches, and more than two decades years of careful, unblinking study of Manning’s every move.

Osweiler began what he has since dubbed “The Education of Brock,” during Manning’s freshman year at Tennessee. Then four-years old, Osweiler would duck behind parked cars outside of Manning’s dormitory, often posing as a visiting professor’s son to gain access to various on-campus buildings.

When Manning was drafted first overall by the Colts in 1998, Osweiler took copious notes and skin cell samples so he could mimic everything he could about the future legend.


Osweiler then pored over stat charts and decision trees from previous years so that he could play just well enough at Arizona State to be drafted by the Denver Broncos. There, he could finally serve as the back-up to, in Osweiler’s words, “My Educator, My Master.”

Osweiler was last seen outside Manning’s home, blowing hot air on the frost-covered windows and writing “Peytock Manweiler” with his finger, while the 14-year veteran obliviously recuperated from several injuries inside.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.