It’s Tom Brady’s 39th birthday, and the New England Patriots quarterback threw it back to more innocent days at his birthday party with a fun game of pin the needle on the football.

“I can’t see!” shrieked a giddy, blindfolded Brady, pricking and slowly deflating a football with stunning efficiency. “I can’t see, therefore I am not to be held responsible for this action! I know nothing!”

Brady invited all his cool friends like Jimmy and Gisele to the birthday party, but not his narc not-friend Roger. Brady’s older friend Mr. Belichick was unable to attend, but sources indicate that he hired a videographer to covertly film the party from across the street.

After the pin the needle on the football game ended due to the balls’ “desperately low PSI levels”, the Patriots quarterback had a wonderful time opening his presents, all of which were Ugg Boots.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.