It’s been a long, hard road for me in the NFL. Left Oklahoma, started my career in St. Louis, made a pit-stop in Philly – at a certain point, I began to doubt whether I’d ever be able to settle down somewhere. But let me tell you, this place that I am now – this is the place that I belong, here in, you know, this place.

Minnesota! That’s right, Minnesota. Where I’ve always wanted to be, and where I plan to stay. Minne – Minnesota? Yes-siree, Minnesota. Sorry about that, had a little brain-freeze – see, I’ve been hopping around a fair amount in recent years, gets hard to keep track. But that’s about to change.

You know, I’ve always dreamed of buying a nice home in Indianapolis. Minneapolis? I guess that makes more sense as the capital of Minnesota. Sounds more similar. Well, I’ve always dreamed of living here. Since I was a kid. Or since Saturday. Can’t quite remember. See, I’ve been hopping around a fair amount in recent years, gets hard to keep track.

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But that’s about to change. I already feel like a special part of a special franchise here, playing alongside guys with Adrian and probably someone named Steve. Or maybe Erik? One or the other. Can’t quite remember. See, I’ve been hopping around a fair amount in recent years, gets hard to keep track.

But I already feel like a special part of a special franchise here in the lovely city of [city], famous for its [meal] and of course the [natural attraction]. At last, I feel like I’m at home. At least until January. Maybe sooner.

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*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.