In a landmark transaction, the Toronto Blue Jays have traded the Toronto Blue Jays for Angels outfielder Mike Trout. The Blue Jays will head into the 2016 season with Trout playing all nine positions, and fill in as the bullpen catcher and entire pitching rotation.

“So now our whole franchise is Mike Trout,” said Blue Jays manager John Gibbons. “And I gotta be honest, we’re feeling pretty good about that.”

“You can always get more pitching and hitting,” agreed GM Ross Atkins. “But Mike Trouts don’t grow on trees. They grow in New Jersey, apparently.”

Trout heads into his age-24 season having already won an MVP award and been voted second place in his other three seasons in the American League, which the League Office itself has described as “way stupid.”

Trout was last seen reporting to Spring Training by himself, standing in a lonely locker room, getting changed. The Blue Jays are projected to go 87-75, and place second in the AL East.

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