The Chicago Cubs, in the midst of one of their greatest seasons in franchise history, locked up the architect of their current team, general manager Theo Epstein, to a massive five-year contract. The signing normally would have been cause for much celebration in the front office, were it not for the small black cat that appeared out of nowhere to stare at Epstein for the duration of the 40-minute meeting.

“I’ve been working in baseball for over 15 years, and I’ve never seen a cat in the stadium, let alone in the president’s office,” said a disquieted Epstein, clearly shaken by the experience. “What, uh… how… no one liked seeing that cat there.”


To make matters worse, a giant Other Shoe was seen hanging over Wrigley Field by the smallest of threads, looking as though it could drop at any time. Additionally, every bathroom mirror in the ballpark shattered simultaneously after Epstein reportedly walked beneath a ladder at a construction site earlier that day.

“Um, this is our year?” squeaked Epstein with absolutely no degree of confidence.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.