Global climate change expert Bill Nye publicly declared that the heat emanating from “the Splash Brothers” Klay Thompson and Stephen Curry over the last week has inexorably altered planet Earth’s future, raising the core temperature by nearly two Kelvins inside of 96 hours.

“We’ve never seen anything like this in the four billion years of Earth’s existence,” Nye said on his basketball science blog, Hoopology. “I want to believe it’s a purely correlative relationship, but no. The data undeniably links their heat checks with potentially devastating climatic trends.”


The repercussions of Klay Thompson’s explosive 11-for-18 performance from deep during Game 6 against the Thunder apparently caused a tectonic shift beneath the Pacific Ocean that caused hundreds of submerged volcanoes to erupt.

But it was Curry’s clutch performance in Game 7, featuring 36 points and an arsenal of white-hot daggers down the stretch, that has scientists around the world hurriedly convening to reverse the dangerous course on which our planet has been set.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.