Patriots coach Bill Belichick, in the midst of another undeniably successful football season, cracked his first smile upon meeting Peaches, an adorable seven-week old puppy that was rescued from a neglectful breeder. The 64-year old Belichick, known for his gruff demeanor and short temper, amazingly softened upon rubbing Peaches’ pristine, velvety fur against his wizened cheek.

Wait, nope, we spoke too soon. That wasn’t a smile. Belichick is now lecturing the dog for “missing a blocking assignment” in a scrimmage three weeks ago.

“We can’t have that, okay? We win as a team, we die as a team, and I won’t have any of that bush league nonsense. You want something different? There’s the door,” Belichick said.

Peaches was summarily released by the Patriots and subsequently claimed off waivers by the Buffalo Bills, where twin brothers Rex and Rob Ryan have sworn that they will “walk it and feed it and hug it and love it and care for it and give it so many kisses every day.”

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.