Back in my day, I promised myself I’d never turn into one of those old, cranky, retired athletes who talked about how things were back in his day. But seriously, back in my day, no one would EVER do what Durant just did.

The real superstars — me, Hakeem, MJ, Isiah — we all would have changed teams specifically to AVOID ever playing with anyone who would be considered remotely good. (Sorry Kevin Johnson and Danny Ainge, but you both suck at basketball.)

But now? Flying out of OKC to join up with the two-time MVP and two other All-NBA players, just to get a ring? Please.

If you really want a ring, all you have to do is bet Michael Jordan a thousand bucks that he can’t drink 20 shots of tequila in an hour. When he wins that bet — and he will! — then immediately bet him one of his championship rings against two million of your own dollars that you can beat him in nine holes of golf.

Step 1. (Getty)

Step 1. (Getty)

He will definitely take the bet, and he’ll probably beat you. I mean, he’s MJ.

But repeat this process enough, and eventually you’ll get a genuine, bona fide NBA championship ring! So sweet.

And no veterans like Oscar or me will start writing columns talking about how you won during the “soft” era. You’ll be able to show them that your ring comes from the ’91-’92 season, when it was pretty common practice to hide a shank in your sock when you were playing the Pistons or Knicks.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.