Hoo boy. This is not good. And it’s most certainly not “grrrrrreat!” We are saddened to report that while making a promotional appearance at the Little League World Series today, beloved Frosted Flakes pitch-tiger Tony The Tiger mauled 32 kids.
The slaughter is believed to be the worst in Little League World Series history, topping Tony The Tiger’s 2015 massacre, which claimed the lives of the entire team from Curacao, as well as Tony The Tiger’s 2014 massacre and Tony The Tiger’s 2013 massacre.
“If Tony’s behavior continues, we will not hesitate to strip him of his duties as the official ambassador of the Little League World Series,” said LLWS president Stephen D. Keener. “We hired him to shill cereal and provide valuable life advice to these children – not, mind you, to rip their little bodies to shreds.”
Local officials believe Tony’s violent tendencies are symptomatic of “acute Frosted Flake poisoning of the blood.” The animated tiger is known to subsist on up to 75 pounds of the popular cereal product per day, which is five thousand times the recommended amount.
He’s also a tiger. An animated tiger, sure, but a tiger nonetheless. Rest in peace, young heroes of the diamond. You will be missed.