NFL sources have confirmed that Arian Foster, after reporting to the Dolphins training facility and given Ricky Williams’ old locker, immediately registered a “contact high.”

While Foster’s “contact high” will not be subject to the league’s substance abuse policy, an investigation has begun into just how much marijuana Ricky Williams must have been smoking for it to still be potent six years later.

“I, uhh…I’m excited to be here in…Miami. Wait, what did you…what was the question,” said Foster before collapsing into a giggle-fit.

Ricky Williams was unavailable directly for comment, though he did respond to questions about the investigation via his agent, saying “Ooooohhh. That’s crazy. One love, ya’ll.”

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.