Following Draymond Green’s accidental r-rated snapchat, the rest of Team USA released “dick pics” to show their solidarity.
“Teammates gotta have each other’s backs on and off the court,” said DeMarcus Cousins. “So if one penis accidentally gets shown to the world, you better believe there’ll be 11 more on the way.”
The team unity did not stop with the players, as coaches Mike Krzyzewski and Jim Boeheim both contributed grainy dick pics of their own, taken on their Motorola flip phones.
While all of Team USA took part in the “dick picking”, not everyone was on board. “On the Warriors, we say ‘Hand down, man down’,” said Green’s Olympic and NBA teammate Klay Thompson. “It’s supposed to remind all of us that if we lower our hands to take dick pics, we’re also lowering our self worth, as well as that of our team.”
Requests to make the dick pic collage the official team photo were immediately approved by the International Olympic Committee, with reps stating, “it won’t be the worst thing to happen in Rio.”